i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
