You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
