We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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