and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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