i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You smell like stripper and shame
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
