help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
