I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
