i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
