DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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