If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
