Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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