jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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