I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
