You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
