I think I just saw someone hide a body.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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