During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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