I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize