Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
