I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
