oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have already put on my inside pants.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
