So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize