I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
