she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize