i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
