Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
