you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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