I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
