I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
