I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
