i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
