Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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