Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize