i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
