I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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