haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
