He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
