I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
