how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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