Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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