About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
