Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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