his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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