butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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