I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
