You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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