Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
