We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
