if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
