peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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