yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
