I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
