he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
