You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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