They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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