chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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