He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
