i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
