She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
