TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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