I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
