It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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