and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize