I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
