if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
