So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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