Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
