Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
