Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize