apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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